Author Archives: alabamagoddamn

About alabamagoddamn

To learn about me please see, "What's a Southern Girl Doing in the World?" on my homepage.

How You Met Your Mother

Being used feels like being wanted. You know how to get the former, but don’t believe the latter is possible. You learned early. To test people to find out if they love you, thinking that love means being kept safe. … Continue reading

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heat memory

We’d sweat for hours your black hair shining liquid Native skin dark against the shocking paleness of me I was 16; you 23, young enough to believe you were in love and maybe it felt normal for someone to love … Continue reading

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things kept

In a car in Texas with blue velour seats you said My shoes were ugly and no one would love me Would want to be my sister Your sister did not defend me, for the first time in my little … Continue reading

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on the goodness of night

there is no greater relief than shucking of day sloughing off costume rituals of potion and removal of turning down of putting away clothes folded nicely behind the closet door everything in its place blanket at my thirsty feet light … Continue reading

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On staying still long enough to grow…

This has been a beautiful perfect day and I am in love with everything and myself and especially California. Some strange new wave of becoming settled here is happening: my relationships are beginning to blossom, work seems like it may bear surprising … Continue reading

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parenthood

In the first dream I can’t remember if she is still alive, and get stressed about whether I should I have sent flowers or a card or myself. So I go home to find out. Deeper in, second dream, she … Continue reading

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reanimated

For 24 hours I was guardian, advocate, and ally to a small, vulnerable, and tough young person who needed me. For 24 hours my every thought was centered on her needs and experience and not one single other concern even … Continue reading

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