Being used feels like being wanted. You know how to get the former, but don’t believe the latter is possible. You learned early.
To test people to find out if they love you, thinking that love means being kept safe. You learned love doesn’t matter. Someone’s love is not a force field that can keep danger at bay. Someone can love you but not enough to put you first. No one loves you more than people love their own feelings. No one likes you or wants you more than they like or want to feel secure, powerful, dominant. No one won’t sell you down the river to keep themselves afloat.
So you cozy up to No one. You settle down with No one, in a little house away from town. You are, for the most part, faithful to No one. Your thoughts sometimes do stray to Someone, but Everyone reminds you that No one will really be there for you, so you stay with No one. You trust No one. You are safe with No one. You learned early.